Absentee Analyst Pillows

Pie Chart of Attendance

Turkish Democracy

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"Hello?"

"How come I can't remember what I forget, but I always remember that I forgot something!"

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

'Don't worry about this meeting. I got everything we need right up here.'

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

"I read an unforgettable book! Unfortunately, I don't remember the title and the author..."

Who's Dead

"I got a tweet from Putin NOT to attack Iran."

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

Development in Russia after the Soviet Union...

'My mind was a million miles away today, but that wasn't far enough.'

"I wanted to talk to the boss about the alarming sick leave level but ten minutes ago he called in sick..."

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

"I'm sorry I didn't find your wallet but I found six pairs of reading glasses!"

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"Sorry! Traffic was awful and also I left really late."

'Someday, Mel, when you're here, I'd like you to teach me how to do that 'conspicuous by his absence' thing you do so well!'

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

'What's wrong, people? You wanna be sooper-dooper safe, don't you?'

"Are you going to move?"

"I attribute most of my problems in the third grade to the media."