Zoning Law Humorist Gifts

"Tia Carmen says you guys are from Chicago. What part?"

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Justice

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

Fairtale prosecutions.

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."