Zoning Law Humorist Gifts

"Tia Carmen says you guys are from Chicago. What part?"

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."