Urban Planning Humorist Gifts

'Hello, I'm the city tax appraiser and it has come to our attention that you have added a bird house to your yard.'

'Do me a favor, next time you want to go golfing in the city, count me out.'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Sign Reform

"I might just get a pie."

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

This site acquired for yet another housing development.

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

Cook complaining to milkman

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

No Nesting

Don't walk on the grass.

"I've found a filing cabinet here...a prime development opportunity! I reckon you could get three studio flats out of it!"

"We hadn't planned for this sort of traffic."

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

'The Mayor is going to be thrilled -- I found a way to fill potholes with toxic waste!'

'Every day I listen to your patients complain about the rat race. Well, my friend, I'm sick of the human race.'

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Chugger

',,,I'm pretty sure I just saw your new window washer harassing another female tenant,'

"Our sources show this is a heavily trafficked building of importance with ample storage. This must be their nation's capitol."

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

"I thought about what you said and I've outlined a plan."

'It's Darwin's only chance to practice when he's in the city.'

Alien has his flying saucer tires stolen on the bad side of town.

A drive-by hooting.

'I've got to have some for my nest.'