Zombie Apocalypse Planners Gifts

You Can't Escape Zombies in a Canoe

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

The End is Nigh

Prepper Dog

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

'These guys aren't playing by the rules!!!'

Zombie Fish

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

How to survive the coming crash.

Attack of the zombie snowman.

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

"It's a grave situation, Mrs. Conway. It appears to be an extremely aggressive form of flesh-eating lawyer."

"We're too late - the zombie apocalypse has beaten us to this planet."

Climate Change Contingency House

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

I survived end of the world after party.

'My backup special...'

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"

Milla Jovovich

The final days of hair coloring

'Hamster Zombies'

'Darling, I told you not to call me at work.'

'The end is near.'

'If the Mayan calendar is right, how should I back up my files?'

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

You Can't Escape Zombies in a Canoe

'The earth's protective magnetic field is weakening! The sun will incinerate us all!'

Ok, I've set you up with an offshore back account, so you can hide your valuables for use after the oncoming apocalypse. You're too kind, sir. Where is it? Caymans? Switzerland? That's amateur stuff. The economy's increasingly global. When America goes down, it could take the Swiss and Cayman economies down with it. Then where – To open your account, I'll need your passport, tax returns, and a map of your genome. Bank of Deneb Prime. Trump turned me on to it.