Post-apocalypse Planner Gifts

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

The End is Nigh

'If all goes according to plan, this garden should reach crisis proportions by midsummer.'

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Can you estimate how much money you'll need for your mid-life crisis?"

'These guys aren't playing by the rules!!!'

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

"Efficiency tombs available"

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

Zombie Fish

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

Post-Apocalypse Greeting Card

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

'Do you have a few minutes to discuss your retirement years, sir?'

Climate Change Contingency House

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"

The final days of hair coloring

'Darling, I told you not to call me at work.'

'My backup special...'

2 trilobites; 'So what are you going to be when you die - oil or gas?'

'The end is near.'

'If the Mayan calendar is right, how should I back up my files?'

"My cousin is lucky, he lives on the 14th floor. I'm sure he has a great view of the end of the world."

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

Ok, I've set you up with an offshore back account, so you can hide your valuables for use after the oncoming apocalypse. You're too kind, sir. Where is it? Caymans? Switzerland? That's amateur stuff. The economy's increasingly global. When America goes down, it could take the Swiss and Cayman economies down with it. Then where – To open your account, I'll need your passport, tax returns, and a map of your genome. Bank of Deneb Prime. Trump turned me on to it.

"No, you can't go out like that. Just because the world is ending is no reason to dress like a heathen."

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

"Chief, I'd like a four-year sabbatical to prepare for the millennium."

It's 11 p.m. do you know if your portfolio allocation will carry you through armageddon?

'Well, that's just great...zombies! There goes the neighbourhood!'