Zodiac Humorist Gifts

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

"Symmetry? No - I'm actually a Virgo."

City Zoo: Day Care

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

God Sneezes Out Creation

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'Luxury cruise you said!'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Clown God

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

Water is discovered on the moon....

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

'It's all done with computer animation now.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

Black Hole Research Institute - Office only has IN tray - no OUT tray.

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Those are the Divinity students.'

"We've come all this way to destroy their planet only to find they're doing it themselves!!!"

'Don't be silly - the sun won't burn itself our for another 5 billion years. Bedsides, the Earth will have been smashed to smithereens by asteroids long before that.'

"Sorry to bother you again but I forgot to ask you to fill out our service evaluation questionnaire."

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'