Zen Athlete Gifts

'I will need to watch the replay.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

FAQs.

Remember, it's about the journey, not the destination. But sure, I'll keep an eye out for a rest area.

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'OK, be the ball, be the ball, be the ball'

Working from OM.

Zen and the Art of Procrastination.

I'd like to order a power outage. Huh? My wife's on her phone all day, my son plays video games nonstop. My boss finds me by email wherever and whenever. My pager rings 'round the clock! Say again? I was text messaging. Pull the plug, man!

Ned's Northingness: All the Nothing You Need To Achieve Mindfulness

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

"Exactly what is this 'nothing' I've been hearing so much about?"

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

Zen Litter Box

"The meaning of life is having a spectacular view."

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

Ed listens to one too many relaxation CDs...

"No, I don't have any weed."

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

'The meaning of life is heads they win, tails you lose.'