Youth Employment Gifts

'You mean if I want extra money I have to go to work? That's your job, dad.'

"I wonder if I'd still have a paper route if I hadn't been born in the land of opportunity?"

"There aren't many jobs for teenagers these days."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

37 years in the same position.

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

In and Out Sourced.

Work Slave

Between Offices

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"So...do you have a job now?"

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"