Youthful Job Seekers Gifts

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

Ace headhunters.

The first case of resume padding.

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"Can you give me something that will send me back to 1969?"

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

"I want someone I can grow old and have plastic surgery with."

'I'm sorry, but we're looking for a seasoned veteran.'