Youth Work Gifts

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

'We're not called young offenders social workers any more. I'm a scum whisperer.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"Viola player coming through!"

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

"Miriam keeps me young."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

'We would deliver if we could cross the street.'

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

The end of innocence

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

"Can you give me something that will send me back to 1969?"

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

'He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me...hey, this flower is missing a petal!'

Teens.

"I want someone I can grow old and have plastic surgery with."

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

He Loves me... He loves me not... He loves me... Hey, this flower is missing a petal!

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

'The pastor is the one who tells all the kids to be quiet and sit down.'

"Would you like to buy a candy bar to help us raise money for our social security."

"It's weird...all I wanna do is hit fast forward, and all my parents can talk about is hitting rewind."

'Oh grow up !' (Child annoying old couple drinking from fountain of youth).

"By the time we go in, I'll be too old for a pediatrician."