Xmas Performance Critic Pillows

'I blame the 'X' Factor.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

Bad gifts

'Where were the wise women?'

"Well yes, you're a worker, but I think we can both agree that you're not a hard worker now, can't we?"

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'There are two men and a dog out there, and the dog is asleep.'

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Father Christmas deciding whether the Tory Party are naughty or nice.

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"I don't like it already."

"Why Bingo Sinclair is the world's greatest clown director"

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

'Your evaluation is based on what you do in the next 30 seconds. Go!'

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

"I've seen it performed many times, but I can't remember ever sleeping through it so peacefully."

"Let's see now, Harrison - how long have you been with us?"

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

'Of course I believe in Santa. Just not a publicly funded one.'

'I've been going over your performance review and to tell you the truth, I'm not very happy with these swimsuit scores.'

"Just another silly programme this Christmas."

Today, Human Rights Watch sued a man named Santa Claus for discrimination against his employees by calling them 'dwarfs'.

Santa's Helpers

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

"And this is where the magic happens."

'Do you ever wonder where elves come from?'

"Curtain going up. Third act – and the bitter disappointment it is."

"You know I don't celebrate Valentines."

Waiters hate Simon Cowell...

Santa Sucks

"My lawyer will present my case that I was definitely 'nice'."