Xmas Performance Critic Pillows

'I blame the 'X' Factor.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Where were the wise women?'

Bad gifts

"Well yes, you're a worker, but I think we can both agree that you're not a hard worker now, can't we?"

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'There are two men and a dog out there, and the dog is asleep.'

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

Father Christmas deciding whether the Tory Party are naughty or nice.

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"I don't like it already."

"Why Bingo Sinclair is the world's greatest clown director"

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

'Your evaluation is based on what you do in the next 30 seconds. Go!'

"I've seen it performed many times, but I can't remember ever sleeping through it so peacefully."

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

'Of course I believe in Santa. Just not a publicly funded one.'

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

"Let's see now, Harrison - how long have you been with us?"

'I've been going over your performance review and to tell you the truth, I'm not very happy with these swimsuit scores.'

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

"And this is where the magic happens."

Today, Human Rights Watch sued a man named Santa Claus for discrimination against his employees by calling them 'dwarfs'.

"Just another silly programme this Christmas."

Santa's Helpers

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

'Do you ever wonder where elves come from?'

"You know I don't celebrate Valentines."

Santa Sucks

"Curtain going up. Third act – and the bitter disappointment it is."

"My lawyer will present my case that I was definitely 'nice'."