Christmas Critic Pillows

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

Today, Human Rights Watch sued a man named Santa Claus for discrimination against his employees by calling them 'dwarfs'.

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Lighting of the President-Elect

"It's not unusual to feel this way Mr Farrow. Christmas decorations everywhere, non-stop adverts weeks before the event. We call your condition 'Santa-Claustrophobia'."

"My lawyer will present my case that I was definitely 'nice'."

"Please stop telling me 'tis the season to be jolly."

"After he did it he ran off shouting it's only F***** September."

Santa Sucks

"If you ask me, it's getting too damn commercial."

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

Kid reads tabloid newspaper story which exposes Santa as a fake.

Spama Claus.

'I never was keen on Bing Crosby...'

Only 75 'moaning about how commercial it's all getting' Days Till Xmas

"Dear Santa, Any chance of making your rounds early...."

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

'Do you ever wonder where elves come from?'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Where were the wise women?'

Bad gifts

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Father Christmas deciding whether the Tory Party are naughty or nice.

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

'Of course I believe in Santa. Just not a publicly funded one.'

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

"It was never about the presents - it's about the power."

'We've been outsourced to an Indian cool centre.'

Santa's Helpers

"And this is where the magic happens."

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

"Just another silly programme this Christmas."