Christmas Critiquer Pillows

"Well, if you want Santa to visit, you'll have to widen the chomney by 12.4 centimetres, install non-slip roof tiles, build a landing platform and provide organic food and toilet facilities for his reindeer..."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Where were the wise women?'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

Father Christmas deciding whether the Tory Party are naughty or nice.

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"I just keep getting this urge to say 'Bah Humbug'!"

Rudolph Red Light District

Santa's elevator

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

Grade 'A' Grass.

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

'We've been outsourced to an Indian cool centre.'

"And this is where the magic happens."

"Just another silly programme this Christmas."

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

Today, Human Rights Watch sued a man named Santa Claus for discrimination against his employees by calling them 'dwarfs'.

"My name is S. Claus and I'm a milk-and-cookie-oholic."

"My lawyer will present my case that I was definitely 'nice'."

Santa Sucks

"You know I don't celebrate Valentines."

'Do you ever wonder where elves come from?'

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

Baaa...humbug.

Extended warranty on the sales guy.

'Tell us how the big guy really finances this free toy give away scam and we might be willing to cut you a deal.'

Wallowing in elf pity...

"Bad news! They hacked Santa's computer and you're on the naughty list!"

Two Boys Dressed As Gentlemen.

Spama Claus.