Performance Critic Pillows

"I've seen it performed many times, but I can't remember ever sleeping through it so peacefully."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Why Bingo Sinclair is the world's greatest clown director"

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

"It's a play on words."

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

William Shakespeare

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

Midsummer Night's Dream

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

"How come there's no feel-good performance art?"

Chekov play and scorecard,

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'The theater better put on good shows this fall, because we're having a bumper tomato crop.'

The Modern Godot

Off Off Off Off Broadway

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

The Music Critic.

'He's a parody of a tired genre.'

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

What a lousy season - there hasn't been a good comedy in months.

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

'I see the critics say I need a new partner.'

Edmund Kean Supporting Drury Lane

"I sensed a fine balance between the misery on the stage and the misery in the audience."