Performance Critic Gifts

"I've seen it performed many times, but I can't remember ever sleeping through it so peacefully."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Why Bingo Sinclair is the world's greatest clown director"

Waiters hate Simon Cowell...

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

"It's a play on words."

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

William Shakespeare

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

Midsummer Night's Dream

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

"How come there's no feel-good performance art?"

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

Chekov play and scorecard,

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

Off Off Off Off Broadway

'He's a parody of a tired genre.'

The Music Critic.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'The theater better put on good shows this fall, because we're having a bumper tomato crop.'

The Modern Godot

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

Performance reviews in Hell.

What a lousy season - there hasn't been a good comedy in months.

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'