Wound Warrior Gifts

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I bit my tongue...but the bandages won't stick!"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

He has his own peculiar problems whether casting from the beach or from a boat.

'First weeds of spring.'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Big slipper.

Getting Rid of the Cure

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

Due To High Winds Crawling Is Banned Today

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that Barbara decided she wanted to start exercising more after her surgery."

'No surf?'

"Hurry up Dad, I need the loo!"

Burn out

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

'Grief counselling'

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

Polio - The Comeback Kid

Senior citizen surfing.

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

'I've battened down the TV to protect us from weather reports.'

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

"Surf's up."

"First day out of bed?"

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

Feelings towards radios #2 Picket signs with pictures of radios on them

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

'Before I quit I couldn't even spell rehabilitation.'

'...Then touch your toes twenty times.'

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

'He's a true athlete... tennis elbow, jogger's feet, and skier's knees.'