Worship Warriors Gifts

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

Monk Prompt

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

"Are our prayers answered whether we have an iphone or an android?"

'I'm just going to say my prayers. Any requests?'

Nun Binning the Devil

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

Church: Open Sundays

'This is the one - we want you to pray for this one.'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

Man prays: 'Lord help me to be humble, and I want that by 10am Monday.'

After finishing his 5 minute guitar riff, John realized the silence was due to his filling in on the traditional service worship team that particular Sunday morning.

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

"You don't have to worry about using up your minutes."

'God Bless Momma, and Daddy and Fluffy...'

"Say the whole prayer, none of this et cetera, et cetera..."

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

"Not on my watch..."

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my payers now!"