Religious Warrior Gifts

'The show must go on!'

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Monk Prompt

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

'I'm just going to say my prayers. Any requests?'

"Are our prayers answered whether we have an iphone or an android?"

Nun Binning the Devil

'I guess you've noticed that most of these trespasses are reruns.'

Kid praying: 'If it's okay with you, don't record this one.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

"Welcome to the brave new corporate gulag, Hank. The dissenting wheel always gets the shrink!"

'This is the one - we want you to pray for this one.'

"What do I click on after I say 'Amen'?"

Man prays: 'Lord help me to be humble, and I want that by 10am Monday.'

"You don't have to worry about using up your minutes."

'God Bless Momma, and Daddy and Fluffy...'

"Say the whole prayer, none of this et cetera, et cetera..."

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

The Force of Example.

Husband to kneeling wife: 'Praying for a snow day is great, Martha, except that we live in Boca Raton.'

'Perhaps you need a more reverent prayer than, 'Come on, God, help me out.'

Young child saying grace

'He always breaks away from the Church on Sunday mornings.'

My belief is better than yours!

'Mrs. Zegenzahn, I'm an expert on exorcising demons, devils and poltergeists, but insurance representatives? There's no remedy for that.'

"Lord, if my prayers are pleasing to Thee, please confirm by fax."

BLESS YOU

'That was a short prayer, Grandpa. . . you must be really hungry.'

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'