Workplace Woes Appreciator Gifts

'You're overworked and underpaid. That's what gives you job security.'

'These are job perks.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"This is a company which is going places...."

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

Susan finally becomes assertive with her boss...

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

'The negotiations were really tough this year...but the good news is that we managed to hang on to ALL the extra work!'

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

"So...what's the most important thing about working at Auto y Rod Inc.?"

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'Staff Recommendations Inc.'

'Good news! The boss called me in - I'm one of his people.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

"I'm listing my deadlines by due date so I can miss them in chronological order."

"Aw... I'm really sorry you're bored Jenkins. I wonder if I can rekindle your interest with some of this work you should be doing?"

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

Remember I said, think outside the box.

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

'Ageism at work'

"This one is less distracting."

'It's spring, Boss! When a young man's fancy turns to union organizing!"

"Only I, am entitled to use ignorance as an excuse!"

'Congratulations, Henderson -- I'm promoting you from henchman to crony.'

'...but I'm already working as slow as I can.'