Workplace Woes Appreciator Pillows

'You're overworked and underpaid. That's what gives you job security.'

'These are job perks.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"This is a company which is going places...."

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

'We'd like to show you our appreciation of your many years of dedicated service to this company...But first we need to know what your name is and what it is you do around here!'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

Susan finally becomes assertive with her boss...

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

"So...what's the most important thing about working at Auto y Rod Inc.?"

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

'Good news! The boss called me in - I'm one of his people.'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'Staff Recommendations Inc.'

'The negotiations were really tough this year...but the good news is that we managed to hang on to ALL the extra work!'

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

"I'm listing my deadlines by due date so I can miss them in chronological order."

"Aw... I'm really sorry you're bored Jenkins. I wonder if I can rekindle your interest with some of this work you should be doing?"

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

Remember I said, think outside the box.

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

'Ageism at work'

"This one is less distracting."

"Only I, am entitled to use ignorance as an excuse!"

"As long as you insist that we hire executives smarter than you, how about we get ones that smell better, too?"

'It's spring, Boss! When a young man's fancy turns to union organizing!"