Workplace Antics Appreciator Pillows

'This isn't the sort of experience I meant but, I must say, I'm very impressed.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'Yes, can I help you?'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

"What's your occupation?"

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

"I've been thinking, but I'm going to stop."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Management Reshuffle

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"You may ask your questions only when I call your name. Don't waste my time with chit-chat. I don't have all day. Got that?"

'I don't know what he's doing or why he's doing it, but by golly, I love his work ethic.'

"He worked his way up from the mail room...from licking stamps to kissing butt."

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

Office Competitions

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

'I call it cubicilism'

"Just great...on my first day on the job."