Workplace Comedy Appreciator Pillows

"I'm sorry, Ms Duvivier is fully involved in our outdoors service."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'What's wrong now?'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Yes, can I help you?'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'No, they're not my children. They gave me these for doing a good job at work.'