Workplace Wisdom Nerd Gifts

The opinion poll ltd.

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

WiFi Signals

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Leave my biscuit in my in-tray. I'll deal with it in the morning.'

"Effective leadership is more than just telling everybody to be like you!"

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

"Let me level with you. I am a lecherous, incompetent, alcoholic, overpaid, sexist senior executive. The company has put me in your way to test your countervailing potential."

The Department of Lessons Learned...

Speeding Forklift

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

Career advice from the boss

'I interview well, but only for exit interviews.'

'It's OK, we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you learn to cover your tracks.'

What's your exit strategy?

'Beegly, I want you to give this old college try... you know, cheat.'

File room: A subsidiary of the black hole of the universe

"I want something to inspire my workforce - but not too much to want the next pay grade!"

My, my, we're justs a little overprotective of our propriety knowledge, aren't we?

"You'll soon get the hang of the simple Linex 3968X with 4936.." Norman began to think he might be better suited to a career in double glazing."

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

'Good work, sales up 30% on last month.' - 'You know very well I was on holiday.'

"This project is evolving well, going forward."

"Take Elevator B To The Fourth Floor Then Turn Right..."

Neither Here nor There

"Get names!"

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

'You're more than just a number to us, Hawkins, we see you as a real person...one with a poor work ethic and a tendency toward insubordination!'

'Next time she asks for your honest opinion, keep quiet.'

'My position is so unimportant I never worry about being backstabbed.'

'Now that your 'peak earning years' have passed, we'll be cutting your salary.'

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"