Workplace Wisdom Nerd Pillows

The opinion poll ltd.

WiFi Signals

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Leave my biscuit in my in-tray. I'll deal with it in the morning.'

"Effective leadership is more than just telling everybody to be like you!"

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

"Let me level with you. I am a lecherous, incompetent, alcoholic, overpaid, sexist senior executive. The company has put me in your way to test your countervailing potential."

'I'm not saying he's going to chew you out, but he skipped breakfast and lunch.'

The Department of Lessons Learned...

Speeding Forklift

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

Career advice from the boss

'I interview well, but only for exit interviews.'

'It's OK, we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you learn to cover your tracks.'

What's your exit strategy?

'Beegly, I want you to give this old college try... you know, cheat.'

"I want something to inspire my workforce - but not too much to want the next pay grade!"

File room: A subsidiary of the black hole of the universe

My, my, we're justs a little overprotective of our propriety knowledge, aren't we?

"You'll soon get the hang of the simple Linex 3968X with 4936.." Norman began to think he might be better suited to a career in double glazing."

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

'Good work, sales up 30% on last month.' - 'You know very well I was on holiday.'

"Take Elevator B To The Fourth Floor Then Turn Right..."

"This project is evolving well, going forward."

"Get names!"

Neither Here nor There

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

'You're more than just a number to us, Hawkins, we see you as a real person...one with a poor work ethic and a tendency toward insubordination!'

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"

"I preferred it when you micromanaged more openly."

'Next time she asks for your honest opinion, keep quiet.'

"I learned a lot today, Dad. Did you know when your boss says you've done a great job...it's good not to act totally

'Now that your 'peak earning years' have passed, we'll be cutting your salary.'