Workplace Wisdom Pillows

'My position is so unimportant I never worry about being backstabbed.'

'I know it all...I just can't remember it all at once.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

I'm a self-made man!

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

How are you at decision making?

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

Motivation to work

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

The role of administration.

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."