Workplace Parody Gifts

"What's with the bow tie? You're doing data entry not hosting the Oscars."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

Another day at work would be one too many...

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."