Workout Watcher Gifts

Woman and sport trainer

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

Republicans and Democrats debate while the US economy drowns.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

Couch and Potato

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'Look honey! I can touch my knees!'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

'I wonder what he is thinking about...'

Fat man on scales.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

Scales

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away