Fitness Watcher Gifts

'My Dad stays in shape watching other people exercise.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Spiro & Pusho and the Scavenger.

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

Couch and Potato

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'The birdseed's okay. But I just like driving 'em crazy.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

Scales

'I wonder what he is thinking about...'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Fat man on scales.