Health And Wellness Watcher Gifts

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I told him he should have trained more."

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Life on Earth - My soul is thin.

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"How passe, darling, everyone I know is re-toxing these days!"

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

'My Dad stays in shape watching other people exercise.'

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

GPs asked to solve rising obesity levels..."I read in the papers that I'm fat and you've got to sort it out!"

"I guarantee that your appetite will be suppressed if you take just one of these diet pills per day."

'You're fine.'

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

Next! (liposuction specialist)