Health And Wellness Watcher Gifts

'Good news! Your colonoscopy came back clean, and we found your missing iPhone.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I told him he should have trained more."

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Life on Earth - My soul is thin.

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking ab

'My Dad stays in shape watching other people exercise.'

"How passe, darling, everyone I know is re-toxing these days!"

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

GPs asked to solve rising obesity levels..."I read in the papers that I'm fat and you've got to sort it out!"

'You're fine.'

"I guarantee that your appetite will be suppressed if you take just one of these diet pills per day."

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."

Auto Repair. I'm just taking it in for a few adjustments. A visit to the car-o-practor!

Next! (liposuction specialist)