Wellness Watcher Gifts

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Hold on guys, he's got an apple!'

"OK, I admit it. I smoke, drink and eat too much, don't exercise enough ..."

'I've been watching what I eat. Have you got anything for tired eyes?'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking ab

"I guarantee that your appetite will be suppressed if you take just one of these diet pills per day."

Talking Scales wearing face mask.

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Great Chinese Dynasties

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Hot Pie Therapy

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Unguided imagery

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"It's called American acceptionalism. We grab more and more of the country's wealth and 99% of Americans just continue to accept it."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Spiro & Pusho and the Scavenger.

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon