Wellness Watcher T-Shirts

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Hold on guys, he's got an apple!'

"OK, I admit it. I smoke, drink and eat too much, don't exercise enough ..."

'I've been watching what I eat. Have you got anything for tired eyes?'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"I guarantee that your appetite will be suppressed if you take just one of these diet pills per day."

Talking Scales wearing face mask.

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Great Chinese Dynasties

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Well, well, well...'

Be Healthy

"Your contents have shifted."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Unguided imagery

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"It's called American acceptionalism. We grab more and more of the country's wealth and 99% of Americans just continue to accept it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

Spiro & Pusho and the Scavenger.

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

Shrinks in heaven

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'