Health Worrier Gifts

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got swine fever,rift valley fever,bovine spongiform encelophalopathy,bluetongue or a stubbed toe!

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I'm worried about my breathing.'

"There's been nothing wrong with me lately and that's got me worried."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

No thank you ... i don't want to get cancer.

'I want to be buried next to a physician!'

'I feel FINE, but I'm worried that that might just be a symptom!'

'It doesn't matter what pills you give me, whatever they're for, I'm sure to have it...'

"I never open up more than two windows on my computer because I don't want there to be a draft. I might catch a cold."

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'Has hypochondria definitely been ruled out?'

'He's a true hypochondriac. He always keeps his hands in his pockets to keep them from folding over his chest.'

"....bird flu? No, I want something against the fear epidemic!"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"The good news is you DON'T have diphtheria, rotavirus, impetigo, endometriosis, hepatitis, osteoporosis, poliomyelitis, tetanus, tuberculosis or the zika virus."

"Apparently reading about the causes of cancer gives you cancer."

A Bad Time For Hypochondriacs

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

"Side effects include the urge to read the side effects list, scaring you into not taking the medication."

"This bug does seem to be spreading, mostly among hypochondriacs."

"He's a Hypochondriac !"

"Now, I'm not saying you're a hypochondriac, but we need to purchase a whole new data server to store all your health records."

"The good news is you don't have to give up anything... it's way too late for that!"

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

'It's Hypochondria'...'How long haven't I got?'

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

"Hypochondria isn't normal, so I'm still sick... right?"

My doctor says my heart is fragile. I'm supposed to cut down on my activism. You mean activity? Activism. He says that getting upset about idiotic, right-wing, greedy jerks is bad for my heart. He's a quack! This ends badly.

"It's my ears, Doc. I can't move them. They're... they're paralyzed!"

'You have hypochondria... are you allergic to placebo?'

'I'm afraid you're suffering from over-exposure to medical information on the internet. I'm prescribing that you stay offline for a month.'

'You're fine.'