Health Worrywart Gifts

Greetings from Hypochondria House

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Nervous Oral Testing

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

Expensive health care

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Concern Chart

No Action Comics

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Just in time for Halloween...

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

'Doc - this isn't going to cost me a lot - is it?'

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'Nothing to be alarmed about Mrs.Harvey, kids do this sort of things all the time. I'm sure whatever your Jimmy's gotten lodged up there, we can get it out.'

GPs asked to solve rising obesity levels..."I read in the papers that I'm fat and you've got to sort it out!"