Health Worrywart Gifts

Greetings from Hypochondria House

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

Nervous Oral Testing

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

Concern Chart

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

Expensive health care

No Action Comics

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Just in time for Halloween...

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

'Doc - this isn't going to cost me a lot - is it?'

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"Your disgust over ballooning healthcare costs is just a natural part of the aging process."

You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking ab

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

GPs asked to solve rising obesity levels..."I read in the papers that I'm fat and you've got to sort it out!"