Work Culture Wizard Pillows

"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My email is down... talk to me."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Do Not Resuscitate

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'

'The whole floor got together and came up with a few things you could work on.'

Desk sign: "Yes, sir"