Workplace Culture Enthusiast Pillows

Administrative Assistants.

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

"Staff support"

-Great little number cruncher! -But lousy table manners.

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My email is down... talk to me."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Do Not Resuscitate

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

'I give this one about three months...'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

'The whole floor got together and came up with a few things you could work on.'