Workplace Culture Enthusiasts Pillows

"We don't fire people here, Thompson, we tag them and release them into the wild."

'And that concludes our sensitivity training, any questions? Yes? That fat, big-nosed gentleman in the back?'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My email is down... talk to me."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Do Not Resuscitate

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'These are job perks.'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

'I give this one about three months...'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

Desk sign: "Yes, sir"

'The whole floor got together and came up with a few things you could work on.'

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'