Work Culture Wizard Gifts

"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Staff support"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Do Not Resuscitate

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

'The whole floor got together and came up with a few things you could work on.'

Desk sign: "Yes, sir"

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'