Work Culture Pillows

'That's our mission statement.'

"I see meetings. Lots of meetings."

"We have only jobs here, Mr. Sanderson, not 'gigs.' "

"This work placement should be seen as a unique opportunity to access some of the country's most powerful and influential people, and make them coffee."

'Since I plan on working for your company for the next 20 years, I was hoping to get all my paychecks up front.'

"Thank heavens - I thought you wanted to see me about the office Christmas party."

"You've all been working very hard lately, and you deserve some time off. I'm giving you all a two-day membership to time-off.com."

"I'm a firm believer in distributed leadership. That means that I make all the decisions then you type them up and distribute them to the staff."

'I always come to work when I'm sick... I can't see wasting my sick leave being sick.'

"And here's where daddy used to work...before it became a museum.

'OK Johnson, let's see what you've learned.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Time Clock.

"It's his dream job ... "

'Believe me, McFarland, I can appreciate a man who marches to the beat of a different Drum, but you don't march, you boogie!'

'The biggest adjustment to relocating on the west coast is calling people 'dude'.'

'In keeping with the company's policy on after-hours availability, he'll be buried with his phone.'

'Excellent, Goldsmith. Offering me your resignation is the best idea you've had since joining this company.'

'Will sublet 5pm-9am & weekends.'

'Hey! That's 'functional alcoholic', if you don't mind.'

"You aren't just a cog here, Woodly. You're cog number 87246."

Your talk of promptness seems to have worked - everybody was out of here by one minute after five.

Well, we've generated enough hot air...it must be time to cram it in a trial balloon and float it.

'Personnel informs me you're a turkey.'

'Salaries Director' 'NO'

"The less I do the more I have control over. I have control of my whole life by doing nothing."

'I won't be in this afternoon because I don't have any clever ideas.'

"I need it yesterday."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'We can't let the girl on work experience go, she is the only one who can change a ink cartridge.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'My God! It's Fradon, Burns, Marcus, Busino and Fuller!'

"Great idea - 75 minute clock for our hourly employees!"

'Heaven is a hard adjustment for the workaholics.'

'Looks like Bob has taken his new e-commerce position a bit too seriously!'