Work Culture Pillows

'That's our mission statement.'

"I see meetings. Lots of meetings."

"We have only jobs here, Mr. Sanderson, not 'gigs.' "

"This work placement should be seen as a unique opportunity to access some of the country's most powerful and influential people, and make them coffee."

'Since I plan on working for your company for the next 20 years, I was hoping to get all my paychecks up front.'

"Thank heavens - I thought you wanted to see me about the office Christmas party."

"You've all been working very hard lately, and you deserve some time off. I'm giving you all a two-day membership to time-off.com."

"I'm a firm believer in distributed leadership. That means that I make all the decisions then you type them up and distribute them to the staff."

'I always come to work when I'm sick... I can't see wasting my sick leave being sick.'

"And here's where daddy used to work...before it became a museum.

'OK Johnson, let's see what you've learned.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

Time Clock.

"It's his dream job ... "

'Believe me, McFarland, I can appreciate a man who marches to the beat of a different Drum, but you don't march, you boogie!'

'The biggest adjustment to relocating on the west coast is calling people 'dude'.'

'In keeping with the company's policy on after-hours availability, he'll be buried with his phone.'

'Excellent, Goldsmith. Offering me your resignation is the best idea you've had since joining this company.'

'Will sublet 5pm-9am & weekends.'

'Hey! That's 'functional alcoholic', if you don't mind.'

"You aren't just a cog here, Woodly. You're cog number 87246."

Your talk of promptness seems to have worked - everybody was out of here by one minute after five.

Well, we've generated enough hot air...it must be time to cram it in a trial balloon and float it.

'Personnel informs me you're a turkey.'

'Salaries Director' 'NO'

"The less I do the more I have control over. I have control of my whole life by doing nothing."

'I won't be in this afternoon because I don't have any clever ideas.'

"I need it yesterday."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'My God! It's Fradon, Burns, Marcus, Busino and Fuller!'

'Heaven is a hard adjustment for the workaholics.'

'Looks like Bob has taken his new e-commerce position a bit too seriously!'

'Fresh interns have arrived.'

Toxic personality of the week . . . Louella from admin.

I can take it from here. Have a long lunchhour!