Job Culture Pillows

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

21st century water cooler conversations.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Boss's Desk Says No!

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Do Not Resuscitate

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Bo're'droom

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I hate performance review season."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

The best financial decision I ever made.

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"At this office no two days are different."