Job Culture Gifts

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Staff support"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Do Not Resuscitate

Bo're'droom

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

The best financial decision I ever made.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"At this office no two days are different."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."