Company Culture Gifts

'Well, for two companies with such different corporate cultures, I think the merger's going surprisingly well!'

'Did I put on pantyhose for this?'

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom."

'What the hell is a win-win situation?'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"We like to think of our company as a big family."

"You can do whatever you want to on your own time, but if we find out about any of it, you're fired."

How it feels to be in a company with poor communication.

'I didn't get the job but they invited me to the company picnic!'

'Fortunately, Henderson's no fool - He's a damn'd fool.'

'No raise again, so we're enrolling you in our anger management classes.'

"Not to be a stick in the mud, but I find 'Torch and Pitch Fork Day' kind of offensive."

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

'Does this streamlining mean we'll have to give up the sock puppets?'

'Jenkins believes in our company strategy. That proves that he is mad as hell and we should fire him.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'