Corporate Culture Gifts

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

"Can I call you back? I'm with a piece of string."

"It's a deal, but just to be on the safe side let's have our lawyers look at this handshake."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'Who vetted that leader?'

No-one ever leaves Goldman Sachs voluntarily

'Outcomes...normally we just measure the height of the files.'

'I don't get it...after all the budget cuts to streamline the work force, why aren't we moving faster.'

Brainstorm Ideas why meeting should be over

'I wonder if you could shed some light on this department's high 'miscellaneous expenditure' total?'

"It's come to my attention, Wycliff, that you're actually planning a life outside the office."

"Mr. Dyer says he has no interest in speaking to anyone who would remain on hold for so long,"

"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"

"It's a full-blown empathy attack!. . . help me sneak him out of here before this thing spreads through the entire company!"

"Do we want to just flip a coin, or hire expensive consultants so they can flip a coin?"

'I like it. It's catchy and easy to remember.'

'Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.'

CEO and COO.

"I'm sorry. When I told everybody that we started in the mailroom together, I didn't realize you were still there."

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

'Nice to see you again. We must do ants sometime.'

"Come in, Wilson. I've traded my phone for some booze. Just another unexpected consequence of the breakup of AT&T."

"I wish I had a salary that disgusted people."

'Oh, you are such a BABY! Just how bad can a little paper cut be?'

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

The Department of Lessons Learned...

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

'It's a thin dividing line,Johnson. Let's just ignore it.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to work late tonight, I want you to attend this talk on work-life balance.'

"You don't get an office. You get cargo pants."

'There's talk of innovation out here. Winds of change are headed your way. Lock your door, pull the shades and hide under your desk.'

'So, now we have ascertained who is responsible...'

'Attention, everyone. Our CEO will be touring the department in ten minutes. Please take the 'Change is Good' placards out of your lower desk drawers, dust them off, and hang them in a prominent place. Thank you!'

'That went well.'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'