Corporate Culture Pillows

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

"Can I call you back? I'm with a piece of string."

"It's a deal, but just to be on the safe side let's have our lawyers look at this handshake."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'Who vetted that leader?'

No-one ever leaves Goldman Sachs voluntarily

'Outcomes...normally we just measure the height of the files.'

'I don't get it...after all the budget cuts to streamline the work force, why aren't we moving faster.'

Brainstorm Ideas why meeting should be over

"It's come to my attention, Wycliff, that you're actually planning a life outside the office."

'I wonder if you could shed some light on this department's high 'miscellaneous expenditure' total?'

"Mr. Dyer says he has no interest in speaking to anyone who would remain on hold for so long,"

"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"

"It's a full-blown empathy attack!. . . help me sneak him out of here before this thing spreads through the entire company!"

"Do we want to just flip a coin, or hire expensive consultants so they can flip a coin?"

'I like it. It's catchy and easy to remember.'

'Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.'

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"I'm sorry. When I told everybody that we started in the mailroom together, I didn't realize you were still there."

'Nice to see you again. We must do ants sometime.'

CEO and COO.

"Come in, Wilson. I've traded my phone for some booze. Just another unexpected consequence of the breakup of AT&T."

"I wish I had a salary that disgusted people."

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

'Oh, you are such a BABY! Just how bad can a little paper cut be?'

The Department of Lessons Learned...

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'

'It's a thin dividing line,Johnson. Let's just ignore it.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to work late tonight, I want you to attend this talk on work-life balance.'

"You don't get an office. You get cargo pants."

'There's talk of innovation out here. Winds of change are headed your way. Lock your door, pull the shades and hide under your desk.'

'So, now we have ascertained who is responsible...'

'Attention, everyone. Our CEO will be touring the department in ten minutes. Please take the 'Change is Good' placards out of your lower desk drawers, dust them off, and hang them in a prominent place. Thank you!'

'That went well.'