Wordsmith In Lockup Gifts

'I have great hopes for my next alibi -- I'm taking a creative writing course.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Campaign for Plain English

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Thru versus Through Traffic

Torturing the English Language

"Meet The Author"

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

Edgar Allen Poe

"She's been so creative lately."

First Novels.

"Do me next."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

Cut Price

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Backfire

Someone who knows apostrophes

Why we need poetry. . .

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

What's normal?

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.