Wordplay Collector Gifts

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Shoes talking about "rugs"

Jugular Vein

Bear out

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Zombie standup

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

Backfire

"That's it. We’re toast."