Wordplay Aficionado Gifts

Boston Gastroenterology Clinic: 'No, I don't have an accent. I said your appointment was too farty.'

"At least you didn't get the axe."

'May contain Cnuts.'

"One no-trump. Oh, please, God, no Trump."

"Them's fighting words."

'When I learned, 'you are what you eat', I realised I was nuts.'

'Did I say 'merger'? I meant 'acquisition'.'

'I hate to tell you this, but that should be intensive care.'

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

Doctor to man: 'Now that's what I call a bum knee.'

'Oh, it's an acronym for 'It Doesn't Stand For Anything'.'

'I'm just a girl who can't say no.' (Woman at a speech therapist).

'A good negotiator can stand back and gain perspective.'

Hamlet: An Early Draft

The Insul Inn: 'She's type 2. She's not my type.'

Slobbish man says to woman: 'Couch potato is a deeply offensive term - we prefer furniture-based leisure prioritizers.'

When it hits the fan.

This will be a wonderful day for self reflection.

"It doesn't have a damn thing to do with political correctness, pal. I'm a sausage,and that guy's a wienie."

The Vineyardia

"OOOMMM" "MMMOOO"

Maternity Ward - Push Hard.

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

I'm not wearing this T.U.P.E

"Check our website sir. It clearly says bed in breakfast."

'Ark, Noah - not arc!'

'Are you kidding? I haven't seen any big bucks since I quit my union job.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'I'm sorry but we don't make hay until the sun shines.'

Laxatives - "I'm after some comic relief."

Dung Beetle Drive Thrus - 'I'd like a number two meal.'

"Welcome to the after-party."

Canal Street

Mrs. Hanover would soon eat her words.

Having offered the boiled sweet, Dickens realised he'd struck literary gold.