Word Play Aficionado Gifts

'Can of worms - do not open!'

'I've got the trots.'

'I'm afraid it's gingivitis.'

Around the horn with Henri Matisse

'I didn't know trampling was a foul.'

'We've had reports of a kid napping.'

Veterinary Clinic: We Accept Mastercard or Mistresscard.

"It's from my Swiss account."

Jelly roll.

"Sheesh Kebab"

Taken Out At The Ballgame

"Well, I'm sorry, Wendell, I just assumed you knew you were a frill."

'Your blender makes good lemonade, Mom. Now, can we make some alphabet soup with your word processor.'

The very cruel and barbaric sport of Clockfighting.

On that fateful visit to the supermarket, it was Tongue's misstep that would lead to a fall, a lawsuit, and an eventual catch-phrase.

"No, I meant 'Duck'!"

"Wine's good for you in moderation, so I named my goblet 'Moderation.'"

"My drug problem is a little different. . ."

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"I showed up at my weekly Kleptomaniacs' Support meeting - but all the seats were already taken..."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Lesser known greek gods,

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Punt Cake

Please Drove Carefully.