Wordplay Collector Pillows

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Jugular Vein

Bear out

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Zombie standup

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Backfire

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"That's it. We’re toast."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."