Word Processing Gifts

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

'Hunt and gather? No, but I can hunt and peck 75 words per minute.'

Jesus Saves

Miss Webster, we're discussing your word processing not your grammar!

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

The Proust of Twitter

Soldier armed with a pen.

"It's a play on words."

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

Ninedency: A budding tendency

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

"Could you repeat that word?"

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

'The girls must be feeling better...'

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

"Letters would be all right if they'd just let us leave them in alphabetical order."