Woolly Wits Gifts

I shaved my head before clipping season so the sheep feel we're in this together. Shear and shear alike!

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

'It's going to be hard to get lost in these woods!'

"I didn't even know they could knit!"

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

'Just a minute, I forgot something.'

'Yeah, they're neat tattoos, but they're only visible at shearing time each year...'

Shorn sheep gets Baaaaard!

"We quickly realized it was fruitless trying to compete, so now we work together and sell blended wool..."

'How'd the negotiations go? Take a wild guess.'

'Every year I say, 'Just a little of the top' but they never listen.'

"Philip Larkin wouldn't like you, either."

"It's raw, unprocessed wool."

"Think for yourselves!" Shorn would finally die in a dead-on collision with Charlie the Mohawk Cow.

'I can't wait to be shorn of all this wooly symbolism.'

Woman Sheep Knitting from her Husband.

"It makes you look years younger."

"I don't fetch. I have a trust fund."

Cat making a jumper while playing with wool.

'Wait 'til the last minute and jump to one side!'

I gain weight every fall and then lose it in the spring. I have a seasonally adjusted figure.

'Talk about rough courses!'

"I dunno, maybe he's a hopeless romantic..."

Kidney Trans Plant

Don't thank me for the warm sweater, thank your father.

Shear Poetry

'I'd give it five minutes.'

A llama knitting a sweater from its own wool.

'Passengers who are leaving the train, please make sure they take their personal belongings.'